Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
