Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
