I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
True but thats because hes a fetus.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
