does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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