trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
