i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Ketchup is God's man juice
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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