I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
