dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
