He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
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On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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