And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I believe in your delicious
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
