There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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