There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
