You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
