sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
