i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
