I got chris browned last night
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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