just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
