So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
