she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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