the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
