Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
