if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
