This dress was meant to end up on your floor
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
