today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
