It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
