We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
