How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
