I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Randomize
