I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
