a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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