awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
