I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
