I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Boobs are out for the taking
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
