I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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