@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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