It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
In America we eat man semen.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
