i'm signing you up for texting rehab
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
