Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
