Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
