OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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