I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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