ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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