Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
