man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
