You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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