Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
