thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
