i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize