Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
