I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
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