I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
