You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
The adults are the big ones right?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
