New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
