Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
