Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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