You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Randomize
