Texts From Last Night

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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you

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  (803): I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you http://tfl.nu/rx95
  Replies (11) Good night (1308) Bad night (825)
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  (985): View more from Louisiana

  If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.

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  (985): If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable. http://tfl.nu/fbq8
  Replies (12) Good night (5564) Bad night (684)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit

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  (773): I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit http://tfl.nu/6wkt
  Replies (12) Good night (9751) Bad night (1180)
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  (518): View more from New York

  Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.

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  (518): Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight. http://tfl.nu/ukzh
  Replies (21) Good night (5232) Bad night (1263)
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  (805): View more from California

  Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.

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  (805): Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face. http://tfl.nu/ins1
  Replies (10) Good night (4132) Bad night (1237)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever

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  (570): After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever http://tfl.nu/uu6v
  Replies (15) Good night (2751) Bad night (656)
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.

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  (719): I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer. http://tfl.nu/9z00
  Replies (4) Good night (1293) Bad night (475)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting

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  (416): The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting http://tfl.nu/ap7m
  Replies (19) Good night (677) Bad night (1088)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  I'd cum for enchiladas.

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  (850): I'd cum for enchiladas. http://tfl.nu/lnb5
  Replies (2) Good night (606) Bad night (334)
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant

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  (270): Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant http://tfl.nu/aglv
  Replies (2) Good night (742) Bad night (411)
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.

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  (312): Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco. http://tfl.nu/zgwl
  Replies (4) Good night (720) Bad night (450)
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.

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  (204): Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that. http://tfl.nu/ii5o
  Replies (0) Good night (386) Bad night (359)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick

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  (651): Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick http://tfl.nu/7fc7
  Replies (10) Good night (667) Bad night (713)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.

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  (720): Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar. http://tfl.nu/9cgo
  Replies (3) Good night (990) Bad night (215)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina

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  (303): My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina http://tfl.nu/ldip
  Replies (4) Good night (562) Bad night (232)

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