Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Randomize
Follow @tfln