Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis

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  (248): I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis http://tfl.nu/utf8
  Replies (38) Good night (3384) Bad night (954)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.

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  (403): My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator. http://tfl.nu/0m79
  Replies (12) Good night (1153) Bad night (4037)
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  (361): View more from Texas

  At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?

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  (361): At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now? http://tfl.nu/lbi5
  Replies (21) Good night (4617) Bad night (809)
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  (124): View more from

  Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.

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  (124): Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all. http://tfl.nu/q25u
  Replies (107) Good night (32347) Bad night (1704)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward

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  (757): i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward http://tfl.nu/7d4o
  Replies (9) Good night (3548) Bad night (1143)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."

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  (605): Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great." http://tfl.nu/846x
  Replies (15) Good night (2665) Bad night (2941)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Dave a horae rider a coqw boy

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  (414): Dave a horae rider a coqw boy http://tfl.nu/9zpn
  Replies (11) Good night (4201) Bad night (1121)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters

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  (509): Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters http://tfl.nu/r1et
  Replies (20) Good night (4289) Bad night (1410)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."

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  (541): So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here." http://tfl.nu/zbul
  Replies (5) Good night (1971) Bad night (510)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how

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  (401): How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how http://tfl.nu/4odx
  Replies (18) Good night (1448) Bad night (681)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done

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  (405): I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done http://tfl.nu/3aup
  Replies (5) Good night (1072) Bad night (596)
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  (415): View more from California

  I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.

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  (415): I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame. http://tfl.nu/5rwn
  Replies (1) Good night (890) Bad night (549)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.

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  (+44): Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor. http://tfl.nu/tgic
  Replies (1) Good night (401) Bad night (580)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success

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  (207): I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success http://tfl.nu/p8r3
  Replies (7) Good night (728) Bad night (398)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...

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  (970): It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am... http://tfl.nu/kvjw
  Replies (1) Good night (342) Bad night (96)

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