I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means