....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.