I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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