if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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