Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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