I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
