$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I currently don't understand fingers.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
