I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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