How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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