Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
