sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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