for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
