I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
